Caught in the Act - Final piece and Feedback

We wanted to colour grade but unfortunately, didn't get round to do it. Unlike other group projects, I thoroughly enjoyed working in this group, all ideas were listened to and everyone pulled their weight in the group. Really pleased with the outcome of this piece, despite the problems with cinematography, I think that this piece can easily be reshot and will work better - I loved the process of script writing and hope to continue it into my FMP.

To improve our piece:

• different lenses 50/35mm 
• lighting 
• vignette photo of family?? 
• Dawn needs to be more physical - only concentrating on her laptop
• no need to close laptop, didn't help character development 
• hug needs to be harder
• some shots not in focus 
• make it clearer for paperwork

Feedback: 

Caught in the Act: 3rd Draft

To improve this piece we need to colour grade still as the lighting is too harsh in some close ups. We're hoping to grade to either a yellow or blue, which will also hint towards the tone of the film blue - links to depression and sadness, and yellow hints towards friendship and changes.

Caught in the Act: 2nd Draft

We went through this and picked out the following mistakes that we needed to fix:

• cut from black in the beginning
• cut from Lila - jumper, so Lila reacts 
• camera needs to be closer in the photo of the family - mirror frames?? vignette?
• Reshoot the papers
• camouflage
• shot needs to be longer and more in focus of the paper in the bin
• close up of acceptance letter part
• less time packing
• too short, can't read paper work
• Dawn needs to see Lila leaving and then react
• lighting is too harsh in close ups - colour grade??  

Caught in the Act - 1st Draft

This is the first draft of our script. We had difficulty with the microphone we used, as we couldn't link up the audio to the camera, so when we started post production the clips of the audio and visual had to be exported from the devices separately. We also had an issue with road works and traffic, which set us behind in our filming schedule, including normal things such a batteries dying and the sound recorder needing to be charged continuously.

 From what we could see from this draft we knew that we needed to improve:

• 3 seconds of black screen - put sound in
• pick up a new shot of the paperwork - because we can't see 'army' or school logo
• replace the cut of putting it in the bin - is slow and out of focus - can't read 
• Dawn - calling out is off - maybe show Dawn accompanied with Lila's voice
• laptop is already closed in 1st clip of Dawn
• Dad's old dog tags - audio is off towards end
• picture of dad is too long - maybe audio of Dawn begins
• Lila sitting down 
• 'what i don't care' - audio is off sync
• Dawn getting up from bed is too long
• last shot - cut to them hugging + fade to black 

Caught in the Act - Screenplay

Caught in the Act from Synflame

Feedback:

• Beautiful subtext 
• attitude changes - talk more about the body language she's using
• Lila - indicate she's going away to army
• specify last part is set forward in time
• can feel the tension building between characters 
• subtext is good
• fight works well
• Insert Dawn's age
• emotional truthful relationship
• more information for audience needed
• Your sister is coming home?? 
• DON'T do open endings
• protagonist needs to feel the consequence of her actions
• her calling vs her life
• Dawn is protagonist?

-We didn't think that Dawn was the protagonist and corrected the changes. 

Caught in the act (draft 2) from Synflame

After writing this script and talking with Seb, we realised that this is a coming of age story and Dawn is the protagonist, this is a story based on he moral scale that should Dawn grow up and let her lif happen and let her sister move out. This is a story that shows her dealing and realising the moment she should grow up and let things she can't control, be.

Feedback:

• Dawn needs to initiate the fight
• Dawn's monologue - needs to be pulled out of her by Lila
• Final line - needs to make a choice. 

Caught in the Act (draft 3) from Synflame

We changed the script to fit the feedback. 

Caught in the Act (draft 4) from Synflame

We finally that this was the structure of the script and the way the characters should be and matched their personalities. We felt that there was a strong build of tension and enough subtext.

Caught in the Act (draft 5) from Synflame

This is the final draft of the script, we cleaned up the dialogue - making sure that what the characters were saying would match their age group, also so that the actors didn't have long paragraphs of dialogue, ensuring that when we film the actors aren't stumbling over their lines and struggling to remember what they need to say.

Feedback:

• Subtext is beautiful 
• Perhaps ask others if the death of the Father is clear enough

Caught in the Act Planning Characters & Storyline

Caught in the Act Notes