I think this edit should be tighter and the pacing should be faster. I dislike the fact that we don't have the other shot showing Lila's face over the shoulder of Dawn as it looks like we have broken the 180 degree rule, but we technically haven't. I think it's a bit slow with the frame. I am unsure about the part towards the end of the argument as it cuts from Lila at the door, to at the end of the bed and I'm unsure if it works. I think the audio is too quiet in some places and needs to be enhanced.
This edit doesn't have the music during the keyboard sequence. There needs to be a few touch ups on the pace of the film. I think that there should be a fade out to black from the film and then show the credits.
I am happier with this edit, apart from that one of the names is spelt name in the credits. I think we should colour grade this to make it less harsh and adhere to typical British conventions of film.
Georgie attempted to colour grade this, however I think it's too yellow and overly contrasted, which makes the actresses look paler than they actually are and makes the lighting look too white.
Feedback:
- storyline is strong and captivating
- acting is great
- great use of different camera angles
- good use of lighting
- breaks 180 degree
- shot where Lila leaves is missing something
- dialogue feels real
Feedback from Seb:
- slow down - pace
- really well cut
- more like an action film
- well recorded (audio)
- 180 degree rule break (with eye contact not cinematography)
- actually pulled it off - actresses were reading from their scripts the entire time
- dialogue heavy - need to use actions
- very static
- should've moved argument into different rooms
- Like that Dawn doesn't look at Lila
- keyboard is too comic - continuity
- too fascinated with different camera angles - would never have 2 shots for one action
- energy to it is wrong
I agree that the dialogue feels real, and I think that the storyline and relationship between these two sisters is very strong and makes the audience feel for the characters. But I also agree that the shot where Lila goes towards the door and then cuts back feels like there is something missing. I think in order to improve this film, we need to re - edit the film to slow it down and pace it out and take out extra shots recorded of the same thing which will change the energy of the piece. If we were to rewrite the script I would move the argument throughout the house, to make it feel more realistic as an argument and to use actions rather than lots of dialogue.
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