Caught in the Act from Synflame
Feedback:
- Beautiful subtext
- attitude changes - talk more about the body language she's using
- Lila - indicate she's going away to army
- specify last part is set forward in time
- can feel the tension building between characters
- subtext is good
- fight works well
- Insert Dawn's age
- emotional truthful relationship
- more information for audience needed
- Your sister is coming home??
- DON'T do open endings
- protagonist needs to feel the consequence of her actions
- her calling vs her life
- Dawn is protagonist?
-We didn't think that Dawn was the protagonist and corrected the changes.
Caught in the act (draft 2) from Synflame
After writing this script and talking with Seb, we realised that this is a coming of age story and Dawn is the protagonist, this is a story based on he moral scale that should Dawn grow up and let her lif happen and let her sister move out. This is a story that shows her dealing and realising the moment she should grow up and let things she can't control, be.
Feedback:
After writing this script and talking with Seb, we realised that this is a coming of age story and Dawn is the protagonist, this is a story based on he moral scale that should Dawn grow up and let her lif happen and let her sister move out. This is a story that shows her dealing and realising the moment she should grow up and let things she can't control, be.
Feedback:
- Dawn needs to initiate the fight
- Dawn's monologue - needs to be pulled out of her by Lila
- Final line - needs to make a choice.
Caught in the Act (draft 4) from Synflame
We finally that this was the structure of the script and the way the characters should be and matched their personalities. We felt that there was a strong build of tension and enough subtext.
We finally that this was the structure of the script and the way the characters should be and matched their personalities. We felt that there was a strong build of tension and enough subtext.
Caught in the Act (draft 5) from Synflame
This is the final draft of the script, we cleaned up the dialogue - making sure that what the characters were saying would match their age group, also so that the actors didn't have long paragraphs of dialogue, ensuring that when we film the actors aren't stumbling over their lines and struggling to remember what they need to say.
Feedback:
This is the final draft of the script, we cleaned up the dialogue - making sure that what the characters were saying would match their age group, also so that the actors didn't have long paragraphs of dialogue, ensuring that when we film the actors aren't stumbling over their lines and struggling to remember what they need to say.
Feedback:
- Subtext is beautiful
- Perhaps ask others if the death of the Father is clear enough
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