2nd draft and feedback

Caught draft 2 from Synflame



Feedback:

• does the keyboard thing need to happen 3 times
• cut the line 'can you not listen to that quietly'
• dialogue sounds mutual - play around with placement 
• a lot of exposition
• is the 'i'm sure if you say you're sorry it'll be okay' enough of a turning point 
• I'll miss you??

I think the keyboard thing is what symbolises the relationship between Dawn and Lila, Dawn is being annoying and starts the fight, Lila retaliates, they both bicker and Lila shuts it down as she is the eldest. I also think it is childish and light hearted and honestly my favourite part from the Caught in the Act original script. 

However I agree with the dialogue and the lines - we need to think of the moral premise more in depth as that's where the problem lies now, once we find it - it'll be easier to write the dialogue and find a point where it becomes painful for the characters to change their decision.