1st Draft and Feedback

Caught draft 1 from Synflame

Our first draft: 

• I agree that the moral premise doesn't reflect what happens in the script, the script was rushed in order to just to write and get something down - needs to be changed to fit the script more
• I agree that Georgie and I are good at writing domestic issues in our scripts, as previously seen in Caught in the Act - we need to alter the script to fit to what we are good at and can do well 
• I agree that the dialogue is very 'on the nose', it needs to be more subtextual in order to fit with the age range of the characters in the script and also to make it more interesting for the audience - again, we need to develop the script to accommodate subtext - stick to what we know and are good at
• I agree that the ending wasn't what Dawn's character would've done - needs to change, she shouldn't 'let go' 

I know that the first draft of the script was rushed, I think the gang stuff overcomplicates the storyline for a short film and we need to remove that aspect and make it simpler for the audience to understand. Now that Georgie and I have had a chat about the script and where we think we should go from here we can write a second draft we will change the moral premise and stick to domestic issues in the script, develop the dialogue for subtext and alter the ending - in our last script Georgie and I felt a strong connection to the characters and the scenerio they were facing, however with this script I don't feel it and I think we should work towards that connection goal.